In teh beginnin Ceiling Cat maded teh skiez An da Urfs n stuffs. Then some times passd n Ceiling Cat appeered to me an he sez ‘Julian, yo dumb hoomin, why you no puttin fish out for teh kittehs to nom? Why you makes me so sad even cheezburger doan make Happicat happy? You want me send you to Basement Cat?’ An I sez ‘Oh noes! Is I rly that bad?’ an Ceiling Cat sez ‘Ya, rly. If you wantz me to curl up on yous n eat ur noms, I gives you task. You must tell world the troof that I ams thier Lord. An that I wants fish now.’ An he was gone.
I was not happicat, even tho I did hav cheezburger. I couldn think nuffin that wud maek Ceiling Cat liek me agane. An then I foun this buk. It has all these grate stores about Ceiling Cat an Happicat an how they led the chosun kittehs out of the pound, where they wuz barked at by doogies, into the land uv milk n fish sticks. It sez how you can beat Basement Cat and be a good kitteh who will hav naps and noms all she want.
So I sez: read thus buk. It show all kittehs the way to gud. An if you read, Ceiling Cat will liek me, and giv me back mai catnip toy. Ya rly.